Letter to My Younger Self

Dear 19-year-old Nick,

You need to get a better alarm system. How in the world did you sleep through a Biology exam? That was some dumb shit but won't be the end of the world. Take out your laptop and email the professor. Tell him the truth. Tell him that you were up until 4am studying -- that you didn't hear your flip-phone buzz inside your pillow case at 8am. Apologize twice. He'll let you retake the exam that evening. You'll score a 45, but that's 45 points better than zero. This test and your freshman GPA will create challenges in the future. But it won’t be the end of the world.

I wish I could've written you sooner, Nick. Before the conversations with professors encouraging you to change majors, insisting that you aren't built for the pre-med rigors. Before the trash can dunk competitions and pulling all-nighters.

Before the naps in class, before choosing the back row in every lecture hall, before the 45% exam score. You're not that far off. A few minor tweaks to study habits and changes to classroom etiquette and you'll be a Dean's list student. I promise you that.

Stick with the sciences.

Make the necessary adjustments.

You'll prevail.

But don't be so obsessed with acing your courses that you forget about your future -- that you need a direction and a path to pursue.

Go for physician assistant. You won't know why but that's ok. It's your gut feeling and if there's one thing I know about you it's that you won't stop until you make it. You'll invest all of your time and energy into this. It won't be easy. In fact, it'll be extremely challenging. You'll see the exit signs, one after the next. Trust me: keep driving.

You won't get into PA school in the first two cycles -- in fact, you won't receive a single interview invitation. Yikes. But that was your fault. Your personal essay is below average, you'll miss deadlines, your healthcare experience is at the bare minimum, and your GRE scores are average. Oh, and remember I said Freshmen year will haunt you? C-minus grades don't fulfill the pre-req requirements for PA programs. You'll have to retake General Chemistry, and it wouldn't hurt to take Biochemistry and Medical Terminology as well.

You'll work a lot of hospital hours. You'll work double shifts, weekends, and holidays. It'll be good experience. You'll save someone's life with the Heimlich Maneuver. That day will be crazy, dude. You'll retake the GRE and you'll crush it this time. 80th percentile… nice. In this third application cycle, you will start early and be months ahead of deadlines. You'll do it the right way this time and you will get an interview. One single interview. This is your chance.

You will put a lot of pressure on yourself. After all, you've promised to friends and family that one interview was all you needed. There was no way you weren't getting a seat in that class.

You will show up to the interview in a tan suit in the middle of winter. The rest of the interviewees will be in in dark-colored attire like normal human beings. Then you'll sweat right through that tan jacket. Drenched. Presentation is everything and you put too much pressure on yourself, physically and mentally. You will leave the interview disappointed. You will feel like you let your family and friends down. You will feel like you let yourself down.

You got rejected. This email will make you cry real tears. You will cry so much. I'm talking weep. Scream. You'll stare in the mirror thinking, "Why me?" You'll wonder what your purpose is anymore. You will play Logic's 1800 song on repeat. You'll remember that you're loved by family and friends. You will be okay, Nick. When one door closes, another opens.

Time to kick it up a notch.

You'll reach out to everyone in your network for guidance. You'll go all-in this time. This fourth cycle is your cycle.

You'll enroll in two more courses to bolster your GPA. You'll bike the five-mile round-trip every morning to the Community College of Philadelphia. Don't worry, Kanye west will drop three albums that summer and will make your commute much more bearable. You'll ace those classes.

You will get your essay revised over and over again. It will be perfect.

You will apply to twelve schools.

You will let the chips fall where they may.

You will get a phone call just days after submitting your applications. A 302 area code will shock you. You got your first interview. In Aruba one month later, you'll get woken up by an email notification. Your blurry morning vision will make it difficult to read, but you think it's good news. Throw some water in your face; you got your second interview.

You refuse to be unprepared this time so you purchase the book, "How To ‘Ace’ The Physician Assistant School Interview.” You will be ready for any and every question.

You will have your first interview. You will kill it. You will be told that a decision will be mailed to you within two weeks. You will be anxious so try to stay busy. Play some basketball. Hang with friends. It's the only way.

A letter will arrive to your mailbox three weeks after the interview. A bit later than anticipated but it's finally there. Sit on the couch. You'll want to read this sitting down. Tear open the envelope, careful not to rip what's inside. Your hands will shake as you read the first line of the letter: "We are please to accept you into our program!"

You did it, Nick. This letter will make you cry real tears. You will cry so much. You'll decide to forgo your second interview and you'll accept this offer.

I've decided to publicize this letter the day before you matriculate. Appreciate how you got here. Thank those that supported you. Remember, this is the real deal now. Getting accepted was just the beginning.

Don't let your goals distract you from enjoying the journey. Things are going to come at you very fast. Just remember to breathe. As I told you when you were 19, you will be okay.

I'm proud of you,